If you've watched the (I guess) popular Justice League episodes on Cartoon Network, you might have been expecting a story of the caliber found there. Hahaha, yeah right. If you read my Nickelodeon GUTS review, you would know that TV Show to Video Game conversions are often so horrible that the already questionable show is rendered completely laughable.

Some games have awesome beginnings that just suck you right in with their cleverness and depth. As you can probably imagine, this is the exact opposite of that. Well, actually, I'm not really sure what kind of backstory this game has. The beginning sequence was so absolutely horrible that I couldn't even stand to watch it. I had the speed-up key held down the entire excruciating conversation. It didn't help that the graphics were eye-bleedingly bad, but more of that will come later. It's not like you expect much from an action game, right?

...RIGHT?!?

I'll assume that some anonymous, cliche villain has taken over some city or another. S/he probably has some sort of doomsday plot meant to enslave and/or destroy the world. Wait, scratch that. It's probably a COALITION of cliche villains plotting to enslave the world. Not one villain is good enough for the entire Justice League, no sirree. Anyhow, you must pry the world from the iron grip of the Super Villain Coalition and allow democracy and the American way flow freely through the world.

...*yawn*...

Super Hero stories suck.

Typically, action games require little variation in how you play the game. You recieve an objective, and you strive to accomplish it using your various attacks and your natural skill. The Justice League designers through those concepts straight out the window. It's like they went to some Bizarro Game Design School and they do everything backwards.

Maybe it's because I didn't pay attention to the stupid beginning sequence, but I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to be doing. I ended up just flying around punching some robots or small birds or something. Which reminds me, the hit detection was absolutely horrible. I was throwing fists left and right, nothing was happening. I had to fly through the enemies before it would even register I was anywhere near them.

There was some wacky health bar thingy in the corner. There was a red one, which I assume was health, and yellow one, which I had no freaking clue was. Maybe mana or magic or some weirdo super power reader thing. Despite the fact that as far as I know, super heroes don't really run out of super powers. There were these tokens floating in mid air, which either gave you points or more super powers. God damn it, this game sucks.

I couldn't really tell what I was punching, where I was flying, or even what stupid city I was in. Somehow, and I'm still not sure, I ended up inside a building where the was a teleporter that only took me about 2 feet away. I couldn't stomach anymore, so I stopped there.

Oh. My. God. If there ever was a more painful GBA (!!!) game to look at, may Satan steal the soul from my body. I thought the GBA was supposed to be some sort of uber machine capable of producing N64-esque graphics. What ever happened to that little ideal, eh? My eyes bleed enough from the ignorance of the world, I don't need horrible video games to aid in the task.

I could probably design better graphics myself. Using Paint. And a half-dumb kid named Frederick who only has three fingers. The graphics feel half-assed, like the designers thought that the Justice League in the title would sell the game, regardless of the quality of the game. And we never see that, nope. Character designs are sketchy and hardly seem to blend with their environment. The designers could have used at least some anti-aliasing to smooth everything up, as well. The animations are so ridiculously strung together. It's like some cheap NES game with slightly better graphics.

Horrible, simply horrible. If you do buy this game, turn the volume completely off.

Overall, this game was the most horrible piece of trash I've ever played on the GBA. And keep in mind that I've played Britney's Dance Beat. Whoever was responsible for this abomination of a video game should be taken out behind my house and beat with a rusty garden hoe. The graphics were horrendous, the gameplay reaked, the sound was ear-shattering, and the story is horrible even for a super hero story. Don't play this game. Ever.